no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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