I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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