I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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