a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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