I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
