i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
