Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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