trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
