I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My life is pants optional.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
