We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
