dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
