You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
