I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
