Jerry, you need to find god
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
