Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
