so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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