just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
