I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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