okay pat passed out under dana's car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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