i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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