So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
