I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
