when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
