cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
