Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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