Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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