lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
