Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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