he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
cat food counts as protein by the way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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