I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
