Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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