Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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