Me. At least after what I've been through.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
