I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
