i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
