dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
