Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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