Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
