So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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