I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
