I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
