There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
