Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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