my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
