it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
