take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
