I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
