if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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