I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
