Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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