Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
