I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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