All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
