She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
