The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
