RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
